Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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