I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
