Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
