the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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