No stitches, just platelets and will power
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
