I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
