Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
