is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
