dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
