He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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