all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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