there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
