Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
