Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
