And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
