this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
