grandma shit on top of the toilet
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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