Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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