I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
