i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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