Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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