I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
