Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we're so committed to being not committed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
