drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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