I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
