so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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