Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
