capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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