Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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