You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
