dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
