he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
