drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
