so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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