I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
