do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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