Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
