Your tits are I can't wait for
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
