i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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