8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
