you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
