I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
