he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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