do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
