I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
