I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
