Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
