So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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