Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
