It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
