No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
