When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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