Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
