I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
