even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
