I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
