I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
