Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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