I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We were destined to go to rehab together
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
