Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
