I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
