yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
