The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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